I'd seen oceans before, sure. But this...
This... beauty. So blue.
No. Green.
Yet white and transparent.
Pinks and oranges and golds slowly began to glitter across the waves.
I closed my eyes and breathed in the salty air of the shore.
I didn't smell fish, or garbage like the man made beach back home.
This place smelled like harmony. Bittersweet paradise.
& my stomach turns
How can I allow myself to enjoy this without my best friend?
I shut my eyes and imprinted the image into the back of them. Thinking that maybe, somehow I could share this through the air, across the country, like magic.
After all, that's what this entire experience felt like anyway.
My body filled with warmth from the sun on my back and the sand tickling my toes. The sound of all the people actually making me feel more calm.
In the distance, I spot a pair of kids collecting broken shells and sea glass. A brother and sister judging by the way he would shelter the tiny girl from the oncoming waves.
They ooh and point and analyze the ground every couple of feet.
I look down at my own feet and pick up a pearly purple half shell.
I wonder if the other half is nearby.
I think that this post is an interesting and compelling continuation of the story that was established with the previous post. The visual imagery that's used to establish a sense of place gives us a look into the author's mind as they struggle with the prospect of being without their best friend. The style of writing is very reminiscent of a person's thought process, and the way that this style is used in the post is incredibly effective at getting the reader into the author's mind – something that I believe to be the main purpose of this post. This is especially apparent through the usage of devices like the usage of bold, italics, strikeouts, unconventional text arrangements, etc.
ReplyDeleteThe text has a distinct voice as well, and this is important in constructing an identity or image that the reader builds in their mind about the author and his or her struggle in living without their best friend. All of the strategies come together nicely and the text feels wholesome and full, letting the reader immerse themselves in the thoughts of the author. It's effective writing and the emotional response of the readers (in this case, me) is important because it allows us to feel as the author feels.
Finally, I have a deep appreciation for the image that was chosen for this post – the shell. A lone shell, singular in nature. I would assume that this image refers to the last lines of the text where the author wonders if this half shell is accompanied by its other half nearby. It's a perfect symbolic metaphor for the author wondering whether or not he or she can continue to enjoy the images of life without their best friend. It fits well right at the end as a closing thought, leaving the reader wondering and yearning for more. The piece overall comes together nicely and the text is highly effective in its purpose, and I'm looking forward to see where and how this story continues to grow.
The differences between your first post and your second post are striking but after reading them together a few times I could see the continuation of the narrative provided in the first. The first post has a very country tone of voice in it, especially with all the "gonnas." This second post though is really refined in speech, it's almost like an entirely different narrator is speaking. At first that was a little jarring but I think it definitely works as a device to show that the narrator has grown since she left her small town. I think the transition between the voices and places should be acknowledged a little more though, just because it would make it easier for the reader to understand what's happening.
ReplyDeleteI played the music while I read the entry and I thought that it played off the text really nicely. I liked that the text was broken up a lot more than it was in the first entry and the inclusion of the shell was a poignant visual cue as to what you were talking about. I'm glad that you weren't afraid to bold and italicize certain points because it really helped visually emphasize what you found important. I really liked the cross-out parts too (it inspired me to use the cross-out function in my third entry as well). The last sentence "I wonder if the other half is nearby" was very cool and literary. It successfully made the impression that the narrator was thinking of her best friend and integrating her into the new landscape. It made it seem like she was just as inseparable from the narrator as the first post would have you believe.
All in all, I think it's written very well and I like where the blog is going.